7 Feb 2014

Dear Messrs Gove and Kirby

Dear Messrs Gove and Kirby,

I am writing to congratulate you on your brilliant stroke of genius. For who but a couple of geniuses could come up with this wonderful solution that promises to solve all the problems we currently face as a society and as a nation.

Our children are, after all, our future. So why wait till they are old enough to understand and shoulder that responsibility? Start them young, I say. After all, if they are faced with a 50-hour working school week at 3 years old, they will just get used to it by the time they are ready to go out into the big bad world of formal employment. If they do not get burned out by then, that is. What if they do? It is after all, the survival of the fittest. A wee child who cannot withstand the pressures of a normal school day is not fit enough for the big bad world now, is he?

Did I hear someone draw comparisons to child labour? Oh, come, come! If we cannot ask our children to step up to the plate in our hour of need, what is the point of having them in the first place?

And who cares about the European Working Time Directive anyway? Work for just 48 hours a week! Nothing could be more preposterous. Our teachers and school support staff do not need any rest and recreation. They need to make themselves useful every minute of every day. They owe it to us, surely.

I would like to go a step further and propose that all schools and educational institutions should provide compulsory residential education. Children aged 3 and above have no need to be with their parents. Who needs pesky children at home anyway? Parents across the length and breadth of the country will be ever so grateful to you, Messrs, for getting their lives back. With the children away at school for all but 4 weeks every year, us parents will have all the time in the world to get drunk and party the nights away. And reclaim our beds back for an undisturbed, restful sleep. And wake up at noon on weekends.

And us stay-at-home mums who do nothing but sit at home all day long, we can get off our backsides and go shopping. Go and find work, did you say? Oh, no, Messrs Gove and Kirby, we stay-at-home mums are a lazy lot. We are so used to doing nothing but run our households, manage our families and look after our children (they are at home most of the time now, you know, what with schools not being open for long enough), we are not going to let that go in a hurry now, are we? We are pretty resilient too, so it will take more than long school hours to get us off our backsides and into work.

And somebody has to look after the little baby at home too. For with all the children away at boarding school, us parents will have all the time in the world to... you know! So Messrs Gove and Kirby, we parents will produce the little brats, and you can take them under your excellent care and guidance the day they are 17 15 12 8 5 3 2 1. You can be like Professor Dumbeldore, heading the best residential educational institution, protecting our little ones against the Voldemorts of this world, and arming them with all the equipment they need to tackle the Death Eaters.

And why should we not trust you to create brilliance when charged with caring for our children? You are doing such an excellent job at the moment, when you have them for less than 8 hours a day, for less than 40 weeks in a year. You do, after all, have their best interests at heart.

Forget about improving discipline, standards of education and making good use of the time that is available to you at the moment. Nobody really cares about quality these days, it is all about quantity, you see. So the only way forward, the only way our children can compete on the international stage is if they spend long, long hours at school from a very early age.

What my child gets up to in that time should be no concern of mine at all. I am after all, nothing but a mother whose prime concern is the welfare and well-being of her child.

Good luck, Messrs, as you embark on this wonderfully hair-brained genius scheme. That is how it should be.

Yours sincerely
A Stay-at-Home Mum

mumturnedmomPost Comment Love


26 comments:

  1. Absolutely brilliant! What a fantastic way to demonstrate how utterly ludicrous it is! Thank you so much for linking to #ThePrompt xx

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    1. I know I have said it before, but I do enjoy #ThePrompt xx

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  2. Hear Hear!! Totally agree, I just signed a petition that started a month ago and not suprisingly has shot up to nearly the amount needed. Its to remove Michael Gove from Office.

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    1. We really cannot have this proposal go through. Parents need to have a say in their children's education.

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  3. I honestly can't imagine that this proposal is every going to be given the go ahead. No one in their right mind could see this as positive for anyone. Then again, perhaps Mr Gove/Mr Kirby are not in their right mind at all?!

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  4. I am actually seriously considering home schooling again!

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  5. Ha ha I love how you have done this post!

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  6. Brilliant post! Now, there is nothing for me to write - just to share yours ;-)

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  7. This is brilliant! and oh so true, how more ridiculous can it get before the government realise how much they are damaging our children x

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  8. Hilarious! Every time I read the news I'm thankful the boys aren't in school! x

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  9. Great post! Although I completely disagree with the proposals, I do think when you are nearing the end of Secondary School perhaps you should get more accustomed to full 'working hours'. Some ridiculous suggestions been made though!

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  10. I'm of the belief that my 3 year old could do a better job than Gove ;o)

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  11. Brilliant letter, I wonder what their response would be! These people are clearly very out of touch with reality... Lets just hope it never sees the light of day #ThePrompt

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  12. A fantastic piece of writing and very well put.
    I am considering home schooling for my toddler.

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  13. Brilliant read and very true. I'm so looking forward to POD starting school next year. Not!

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  14. Popped across from Britmums to read this: Fabulous - you're a girl after my own heart! x

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  15. Hear hear... I have to say that if this does come in, I think the UK will see a massive shift to home-schooling...

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  16. Hee hee, brilliant post. I can't see it going ahead although I do think there should be some changes in secondary schools - my teens do less hours than my primary and that is wrong. I would like to see a school day run from 8.30 - 4 for secondary school

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  17. Hilarious! Gove & Kirby take note. #The Prompt

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  18. Great post - totally and utterly agree. Like many others, I really can't see it happening - there will be such an uproar! thank you for linking to PoCoLo x

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  19. Love. love, love the sarcasm, brilliantly written! :-D #ThePrompt

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