To My Four-and-half Year Old Son

I meant to write this when you turned four, but one thing led to another and I never got round to it. It is now time to pen down all my thoughts, when you are four and a half. Before time flies and you turn five.

I need to tell you, my dear sweet J, what joy you bring your Baba and me. We start and end each day with happiness flooding our hearts. Even through those difficult days and sleepless nights, we never forget how lucky we are to have you in our lives.

And on days when I am grumpy and cross, you continue to shower me with your endless love. Surely, it should be the other way round for I am the grown up in this relationship. But you, my darling child, with such a gentle disposition and kind heart, you find it in you to look past my shortcomings and love me regardless.

“Aai, Aai, Aai!” The sweetest words that I had waited so long to hear. They are now my call to action from the moment you wake up to the time I kiss you goodnight. Then as I turn to leave, you speak up again, “Aai, I love you.” It would take a heart of stone to not melt at those words. I retrace my steps and plant another kiss on your angelic head. One last hug before I tuck you in and hope you will sleep through the night.

Then there is all that pillow talk. Questions about Life, the Universe, everything. And death. Your greatest anxiety, my greatest fear, the inevitability of life itself. I wish I could say to you that we are all going to live forever, but that would mean telling you a lie. I cannot do that. So I tell you the brutal truth as gently as I possibly can.

Being four and a half means you now have a wide-ranging vocabulary in addition to that naturally inquisitive mind. We have some truly remarkable conversations. They range from the intellectual to the frankly hilarious. One moment we are discussing gravity, the next we are talking poo. I have no idea how poo seems to find its way into all our chats. It always does.

And babies. That has been your favourite topic for a while now. You love to hear how you were in my tummy. Honestly, I love telling you that, and how little you were and fit in my hands.

You like hearing how big you have grown. You stand up next to me and want to know just how far up my tummy you now reach. You are right up to my chest now, and it won’t be long before you are taller than me.

Not just yet, though. You always seem to be in such a hurry to grow up that I have to keep telling you to slow down and enjoy being little. I want you to enjoy being four and a half. And I want to enjoy it with you. All the love, the laughter, the quirks, the tears, the fears. I want to take it all in.

Take your time, little one. There really is no need to rush. Take your time growing up, so I can savour every moment of your childhood and carry the memories in my heart for eternity.

Stay blessed, sweetheart xxx